sick
no sleep
dreams
every night
of everyday
the same things
over
and over
more smoke
t3s
loraz
no dreams
deep sleep
a deep deep sleep
exist in every day
live only at night
i'm writing fiction
in the sunlight
about if i won the lottery

scale the stairs
i see through the glass on the front door
i recognize the hair and i bolt towards
the farthest place away
(i'd put myself in the kitchen)
heard his voice, her voice
combined
it was like a refrain
i used to sing
and i used to sing it all the time
so i'm pacing in the living room
my friend won't let them through the front door
she speaks the same as way back when
and i doubt she even noticed
the gravest face in the back of the house
all in the shadows, passing in and out
i was left standing, noticing
thoughts racing, connecting
the gears were turning
i had it all written down
in strips and stutters
in cells and cancers
in directionless letters