wandering through starry skies
and when tomorrow's day arrives
i'll be a moment closer
to the brightest hour

failed attempts to rescue
apologies endless

oh god...

sick
no sleep
dreams
every night
of everyday
the same things
over
and over
more smoke
t3s
loraz
no dreams
deep sleep
a deep deep sleep
exist in every day
live only at night
i'm writing fiction
in the sunlight
about if i won the lottery

scale the stairs
i see through the glass on the front door
i recognize the hair and i bolt towards
the farthest place away
(i'd put myself in the kitchen)
heard his voice, her voice
combined
it was like a refrain
i used to sing
and i used to sing it all the time
so i'm pacing in the living room
my friend won't let them through the front door
she speaks the same as way back when
and i doubt she even noticed
the gravest face in the back of the house
all in the shadows, passing in and out
i was left standing, noticing
thoughts racing, connecting
the gears were turning
i had it all written down
in strips and stutters
in cells and cancers
in directionless letters

i've always fought this day by day
just like the archives
to view it as a whole
you'll find empty days
with such perplexing curiosity
my aims at avoiding all animosity
wavers with the times

i wanted it to be all boxed and hidden
i was livid with ideas of only my eyes

but

is there a better way to represent?
and edit this through out the day?

yeah i dunno, but it seems to me
that always, in time
there's been a will and there's been a way
no change, no sign

where do you go when you run away?
with no chance to hide?
and i dunno what it represents
but my hands are tied

i'm learning the new words

BLUE SKIES ALWAYS BRIGHTEN MY DAYS

when i wake up in the morning
i know it'll be the same
it's far too early to be getting up
i can't get on my way
and sure enough
i'm standing in a doorway
where i start to hear my name
all i'm wanting is to be leaving
the dreams are so draining

when i wake up in the morning
i like to think i rise with the sun
with all the people that have their act together
with all the ones who are busy trying
but now they're leaving for work and for school
and i'm left writing down my reasons
a list that i can't quite justify
but i'm fine tonight, maybe tomorrow
a faith restored from needless sorrow

i felt my head fall
i thought that nate ruess
had made a new album
and that it was going to save me all over again

sleeping in my own room
i dream about it every night
sleeping in foreign housing
dreaming that it never existed
and i'm searching for it in my dreams
it should be
it should be
right here
beside points a and points c

i need to document this. i smoke too much, i know. i need to get my shit together, i know.

i want the ending to be all drastic and reckless. like here, here take it from me! let go of all the baggage and write it all down. i need to finish it too, not just say i'll start it. no, no, leave it locked, leave it locked. if you open it you will see what you know you will see. you will feel the way you know you will feel. it will hurt you. so leave it locked. leave it alone.